Oh… I think I may have just figured out how to do this. Can I just add that Buster is being bugger all help here and she started this!
I am still a day behind but I’ll I’m nothing if not determined.
So: What am I afraid of?
The obvious opener here is ‘something’ (as in death) happening to my children. My mind swerves here, and won’t pick through the thought in any great detail, for which I am grateful. Suffice to say I know exactly how lucky I am to have three healthy, happy boys *runs through house waving rabbits feet, touching wood and kissing magpies (or summut)*
Following this, losing my marbles. Not in the scatterbrained, forgetful way that happens to most of us, but in the HUGE and terrified way that happens to an unfortunate few. I have had depression and with that came crippling, housebinding anxiety and monsterous panic attacks. A step over the line of the rational into the bonkers. There’s no real way of getting back over that line, the skunk pussies are always there, waiting on the sidelines, loitering with intent. These days I have a fucking big stick I hit them with. It’s smeared with my spare self esteem. Take that, you wankers!
Yeah, so that’s what I’m scared of. Losing my mind. Flippin my flop. Going gaga. Tripping the dancing poodle.